Man, I Feel Like A Woman

I left work early today.

Caught a ride with the co-worker I didn't like because he was leaving early too. I mean if I felt horrible enough to leave, why go and leave on CTA and pass up a perfectly good ride? He got me home in about thirty minutes. Had the heat in the car up high. I loved it. I just woke up from a nice cozy nap.It might be fifty two degrees to most of you Chicagoans. But to me on this day, it feels twenty two.

I got home, carefully took off my cap, and snatched off my very short Mary J. Blige-ish wig.

I feel the need to make a statement about me and my wigs before continuing with this entry.

I believe some women (and men) get caught up in wigs. I'm not bald. I have a headful of beautiful, nappy hair. I love the texture of it. Rather than cutting all of my hair off and starting fresh (I simply was not that bold) I've worn transition hairstyles for two years. These have included weaves, hair pieces, braids, and whatever else I felt like at the particular moment.

Because of my notoriety with changing my hair style so randomly, I have become accustomed to wearing whatever hairstyle I felt at the moment, whether it was mine or not. I typically only wear my Natural hair in the summer time because I have the flexibility to wash it more often and just go. I am no hairstylist - and I have zero patience with my own hair. It takes very little to get me very frustrated.

So why the transition to Natural hair? Because, relaxed hair, the entire "perming" process was not physically or mentally healthy to me. I didn't like going to the shop every two or four weeks. I didn't like the poor customer service I received from the majority of Black salons. I hated someone else telling me when to cut my hair. I hated scheduling an appointment but still having to wait six hours to get styled. To this day, the only woman I consistently allow in my head is my mother.

Why don't I wear my Natural hair outside of the summer time? As much as I love it, I don't love the maintenance of any hair, lol. Wearing wigs during the week gives me the ability to get up and go (since my hair is braided underneath) while wearing my hair out on the weekend allows me to touch it and play in it.

I have noticed that some women who have Natural hair feel this gives them the reason to posess some kind of superiority. (Note: I said some, not all.) As if by merely posessing Natural hair you have the right to claim a heightened sense of Blackness. I am in good company (Sister Assata Shakur says the same) when I say the following: a revolutionary woman sure can't be spotted in the crowd by their particular hairstyle. A sister sporting an Afro can be just as lost and counterrevolutionary as anyone else. Likewise a sister sporting a weave can be totally committed to the movement. Notions like these have to be put into perspective more frequently. I believe it would be better to get to the bottom of notions of beauty rather than assaulting a person's authenticy as being more Blacker or less Blacker based on their hairstyle. Nappy hair is as beautiful as relaxed hair. I don't want someone to tell me my naps are unruly anymore than a sister with a weave probably wants to be told her straight makes her less Black. This is a pet peeve of mine. It kills me to see us plagued by the same syndrome that ruled on the plantation.

Field nigger.
House nigger.
Dark skinned.
Light skinned.
Good hair.
Colored eyes.
Nappy hair.
Big nose.

I curled into bed with my Angela Davis book I am halfway done reading. They say she is a lesbian. I believe people say that when I say I am studying her as if to discredit her contributions (past and present) to the struggle.Am I supposed to say "Well she was on point about the crimes of capitalist America, the prison industrial complex, and feminism - but she lost me on that whole "lesbian" thing."(rolls eyes twice) I love her dearly just the same and would probably cry if I ever got the chance to meet her. Very few woman move me like this. Yes, I would cry.

Nevertheless, I feel good today.

Why do I feel good today?

I got my period. Cramps, oh wonderful cramps. I never thought you would come. I will not curse you today. I made a doctor's appointment just in case you guys didn't come. I told Mr. Man that the appointment was a natural precaution. I don't care if I took twenty pregnancy tests, if my period didn't come by Friday I was having myself turned in for a full examination. At least for the moment I can push the appointment back to next week to get on birth control, rather than take a pregnancy test this week. I hope, that I can see my regular doctor. I have the most wonderful doctor ever. She is so kind and gentle. And if you're looking in my vajay-jay this is an absolute must. I am always so surprised when she comes back up like "Done!" I always say "That's it? What's the trick?" lol. But besides that, she seems genuinely interested in me as a person.

I'm off to reserach birth control. While the shot seems to be the best choice, I believe I am too...fat, lol to get on the shot. Now ain't that some shit? lol.

Peace!