Just A Little Too Close To Home

Putting a face to the recession has never been difficult to me.

Then again, I am quick to point out to people when

-you're Black
-reside in Chicago
-have always been below/just above "poverty"

...it's always been a recession. These thoughts are off the top of my head so I have no statistics to back up what I have to say. But I have the mental images of burned out lots from the riots in the sixties which have yet to be replaced with homes or businesses. A large percentage of Black people I know rent their homes, rather than own them, and most likely they will die without having owned any property in their lifetime, a sure indicator of wealth that can be passed down throughout generations. It's always been difficult for Blacks (particularly Black men) to find work. I know this personally because for the better part of his adult life, my father was unemployed (with a degree) and my brother has been unemployed for the better part of two years.

Again the reality of the situation that this country faces becomes more personal when my fiance told me last week that it was a big "possibility" he would be unemployed at the end of February. Fiance say what? You have the nerve to tell me mid-pregnancy scare that you're going to be jobless at the end of this month? Sorry babe - typical Black woman response. Good thing I didn't utter it aloud. So glad I took that class in tact. And if you utter it's a possibility - that means it's going to happen with absolute certainty because you don't speak in "possibilities." You say this so I don't worry. I am a natural worrier, dear heart and have been since I foresaw the road we would attempt to travel together.

I tell him it's okay. We'll make it. That's what we have the reserves for. He does not know how much is in the reserves. I like it better that way. He's not the type of person that will ask for things. Regardless of how much money I have, he always offers to help me if I need it. I believe he feels obligated. If he isn't able to do something then he won't do it. This basic practicality drives me crazy about him, but it balances us out because I am the spender. But because I am the spender I do research purchases carefully, and when I do spend it's worth it. The only thing that I consider and absolute must and cannot stop are the monthly child support payments for his daughter. I have made a promise with the Lord that even if he is unemployed six months, his daughter will not know it. I don't typically intervene in that situation. It doesn't concern me at this point and time. How can I say that about someone I will marry? Simple. The rotation with which he interacts with his daughter is hardly consistent enough for me to meet her. And even if it were, I would feel extremely guilty in doing so since there time together is so limited. More importantly, he has a typical baby mama. Now, I only have his side(well his and his mom's side) of the story. Perhaps she feels justified in her actions. I am not quite sure. But for me to borrow trouble and try to put my foot down as the "woman" in his life is not me. And it's unnecessary. So at this point in time, this is not a situation that concerns me actively. But inactively, I let no child go without in my presence.

One time, my co-worker dropped me off at home, and his daughters were in the backseat, whom I adore. They adore me just as much. This particular night they were hungry. Real hungry. Now I could tell that my co-worker didn't have any money. He wasn't going to stop at Burger King. That particular day I didn't have any money either, but I had enough to go over on my debit card to get them dinner. They were so happy, and I was happy to do it. You see - I don't even half like my co-worker most of the time. He's a sell-out and a snitch. But his children have all of the potential in the world to not follow the way of their father. I will not let (and I don't believe he will either) Mr. Man's child go without based on this minor temporary situation. Too many things could go bad too fast.

Like everyone else now, he is looking for a job. Any job. Luckily, he is not one of those people who has attitude about what job they will and won't do. To each their own, but when I say attitude, you all know that even within the Black population, we have the nerve to be classist! Turn up our noses and say "Oh I would never date a janitor" or "Look at that hoopty he ridin' around in - I had to dump his broke ass". The problem with these statements? Even if he is a janitor he's employed! And just because he is a janitor now doesn't mean he always will be a janitor. (And so what if he will??) That hoopty he ridin' in? Well at least he's ridin'!

I am one of the few people (I believe) that has the fortune of being down and out for only a moment before considering the Lord's overarching divine presence. We are all struggling right now. But struggle is necessary to a certain extent. And anything we face in this lifetime can't be worse than what the Lord faced. Without struggle, I find that we are less likely to appreciate our successes, small or large.