Come Follow Me

I've got followers.

Excellent, lol.

I just noticed it this morning like oh my.

I just got out of the hot tub.



I know they are supposed be tres romantic and all, but I don't get all of that from it. It's a tub of hot water, and truthfully, the jets get me overexcited. Its like getting a way intense massage, so it really gets my heart rate up. I did like sitting in the water though. For some reason, I haven't done much of anything but I'm sore as heck. It must be the fact that I am simply not sleeping in my own bed. Don't get me wrong, this is a very comfy king size bed. But still, it ain't home, lol.

This room is beautiful. This web entry comes to you courtesy of some anonymous guys Wi-Fi since the resort's Wi-Fi crapped out on us. Oh well-o.

Our vacation draws to a close. I feel so good getting away from it all. Feel good that Mr. Man was able to accompany me on this journey, and feel we have obtained a great deal of clarity on he, I, & us.

I had more to say but heck it's late and I'm old and he's snoring, lol.

Deuces!

Untitled: Part I

So I guess this will be a series of rants, ponderings, and other things.

I'm in Willowbrook, IL. Didn't quite make it to Lake Geneva. Next time I guess. I'm with Mr. Man. He is sick. Insert sad face here.

Thanksgiving has come and gone. I hate the holidays for the most part. My faith says we aren't supposed to keep the holidays anyway (long discussion about the Lord's Holy Days which don't include Easter, Thanksgiving, or Christmas, but instead Passover, Day of Atonement, etc.) But I hate them because they are a super big reminder that my dad isn't here anymore.

Speaking of which his one year anniversary was just a few weeks ago. It seems crazy to me to call the day he passed an anniversary, but at the base of the word anniversary (annual) it is what it is. I miss him. I have yet to seen his actual grave. For those not in the know, cemeteries up here are straight janky. He's (allegedly) buried in one of the two cemeteries up for investigation for moving folk's remains to make rooms for new remains of course without notifying the families. :/ Yeah, janky, like I said.

So, while I am pretty certain he is where he should be, one can never be absolutely sure. Which is heartbreaking. I've just about told myself that isn't really him anyway. At least not how I remember him. And if I take that to be true, why go to a cemetery?

This is going to be random, just remember I warned you all.

I had a wonderful breakfast with my friends from high school yesterday. It is always so fun to get up and see how we've changed, stayed the same, and see what our futures bring.

Mr. Man took some pictures of he and I before the rest of my friends got there. I saw a really cute one of he and I being quite affectionate. I posted it as my fb profile pic. Idk about the rest of you, but when I post a picture, and someone posts a comment, it is automatically sent to my email address. Well, no sooner than I posted the picture, my brother had posted a comment that said "SIMP". When I clicked on the link leading back to my picture, it had been deleted. Now mind you, I haven't been home in at least 24 hours since I'm out of town. I called home and asked if he had something to say to my face. He gave me some bullshit about how he "hates" profile pictures of people with their s.o. on fb. He claims its weak and they normally break up shortly after. I don't know what bothered me more; the fact that my brother thinks that I'm simping, the fact that he had the nuts to put it on fb, or the fact that he would disrespect me like that. I guess my mom found out and told him to delete the comment. I guess my whole thing is - who fucking cares? Last time I checked I was too damn grown. I'm not going to lie, the shit fucked up the rest of my day for no real reason. I'm just sick of feeling like I owe somebody an explanation. It's like, if you have something constructive to say than say it but otherwise, get a damn life.

Done venting I guess. I wish Mr. Man wasn't sick. It's far too early for me to be in bed and the fact that he thinks he's sick is not making me want to crawl into bed anytime soon at least without Lysoling a nig. I'm just saying.

Deuce.

What's It Feel Like To Be A Ghost?

That's how I feel when I log on to write.

I want to write. So many things I need to put into perspective, but I have some sort of block up that prevents me from just sitting down and doing it. So once again I will just start with what's primarily on my mind.

Mr. Man's nephew has a facebook account. I don't know why that bothered me. Maybe because he's a baby. (Well he's 9. And is beginning to be conscious of himself.) <--Which all the more reminds me of how much of a baby he exactly is. Of course Mr. Man just found out yesterday. Ironically enough, Mr. Man is not on facebook as much as when we started talking. It's just funny how for months that was our lifeline -completely vital in the early stages of our relationship, but now it's just one of those "remember when" memories of the early days. Anywho, his newphew is on facebook. First of all, they aren't friends, but second of all, it is super duper interesting who his nephew is friends with - Iggy's sister.

Say what now? Now, naturally I wonder why his nephew would have Iggy's sister as his friend. It did bother me a little bit. Why? My overactive imagination stepped on the scene. I easily saw Iggy logged in to her sister's account, perving Mr. Man's nephew's account, and eventually finding her way to Mr. Man's page that is somewhat a showpiece of our relationship. Very recently we decided it was cool to put pictures up of one another. At first we were extremely private and conscious of nosies, but at this point in the game it just doesn't matter anymore. For better or for worse we're together. I know, my overactive imagination could be wrong, but what more can I think of a person who has already hacked an email account and found out that I existed in that method? The fact that she probably sat and read every email we ever wrote in those days looking for something deliciously incriminating or something to accuse someone of. Le sigh.

But, I let my good sense overrule, and for the most part I am more concerned with the fact that a 9 year old baby is on facebook. My mama sense is going crazy. I want to tell, shit, I want my boyfriend to tell his sister. And I wonder if he will.

I've been wondering alot about me, he, and us. We're supposed to be going away the day after Thanksgiving. To Lake Geneva, I think. I look forward to dipping off and doing the romantic thang.Naturally my mother opposes but, what more can I do?

What bothers me most about my mother is that she thinks that I'm just walking around in this love cloud. I'm not. I know realistically there's no way I'm marching down anybody's aisle until I'm absolutely satisfied with this whole baby mama situation (at the very least). And it IS a situation. And although it's being handled it's not handled up to my level of handledness. (Nope,not a word. So!) He expects us to wed in March. That is absolutely not going to happen for a myriad of reasons. His house is not in order. I know this because my house is not in order. If I have it together more then most, and I can admit that all of my ducks aren't quite lined up, than I can certainly spot when someone (the man that I love) else's ducks aren't in a row. I'm walking into a situation where I become an instant step mom and I can't change that. But I can certainly make sure I'm prepared. And keep subtly dropping hints to let him know that 2010 is not looking good for me on this marriage thing, at least not the first 6 months. :/

I have much more to tell but this is it for now. Not getting everything out encourages me to return tomorrow or sometime this week.