I Deal With The Real

I was watching VH1 Jill Scott SoulStage the other day before work. I have always admired Jill Scott's body of work, her style...just the entire Jill Scott persona. She's a beautiful woman. I don't think she receives as much acclaim as she should. I believe this is because she doesn't look like Beyonce or Rhianna. But we all know her lyrics, her overall performance just blows them out of the water. Let's face it - when Beyonce starts popping out little camels, her career will be over. She can't act, and her lyrics reflect the same shit she was singing about at 15. Jill Scott will still be going strong. So here's some Jill Scott & The Roots for that ass this morning. Enjoy!



I am very anxious this morning. I'm going into work late because I have my doctor's appointment. I am going to ask for a prescription for birth control. I hope I don't have to have another pelvic exam since I just had one in November. Then that way I won't have to use any of my time I've been saving up when I go in late. I know that going on birth control is the best thing for me.

But I still feel so blah-ish. I do have a fear of doctors and hospitals. But I don't think that's exactly my problem right now. I believe I have been avoiding purchasing birth control because it solidifies that I'm having sex. I know I've been having sex. I just - well regardless of what I think or feel, I know for sure that I don't want to be pregnant. Me and Mr. Man had an extensive conversation about it. He was against it because he was concerned about the health cons. But I reassured him that the second time I took Plan B wasn't as bad as the first and I believe the only reason the first time was so bad was because I am an innate worrier. If my psyche is all jacked up then nothing good can ever come out of anything. We agreed that this is the best path because we don't want to be pressured to do anything sooner than later. Yes, we're getting married - yes, we're moving in together - and yes, I want to have his children. But I would like some time before all of that happens.

Yesterday my co-worker spilled the beans that her daughter got engaged. Of course I'm happy! I think at a time where people are so hesitant to make serious commitments marriage is a beautiful thing - given that the intendeds have counted the cost of the commitment in depth.

I had a long talk with my mom yesterday. I'm sick of being made to feel guilty about my relationship. I told her that. I told her that there is no him and them. I also said that this man is someone I'm trying to bring into my family. If we've done anything to offend - then I'm willing to admit we were wrong, but where do we need to go from here to be un-wrong? Sometimes, I have understood that parents need concessions to be made just like significant others do. I'm not saying I'm right, I'm not saying I'm wrong - but I am saying that whatever the barrier is, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to tear it down. I believe that's a lot more productive than "Well I love him, I'm not leaving him and if you don't like it then tough." The solution to my problems just can't be to move out. Granted, I will be moving out just because it's a practical progression in things to come. I was voicing my concerns to Elia, and that's all she could tell me "Well just move out." Uh no. My mother will still be disappointed. My mother will still think Mr. Man is a bum. As well, I'm not moving out until I get a couple stacks under me. At least somewhere in the realm of $5-6 thousand. So it would help my cause greatly to do what it takes to make people happy for the moment so I can do what I need to do on my end.

I'm gearing up to go back to school. My boss says I'm trying to avoid loans.

That's not it! Well not necessarily it, lol. I'm going back to get my classes to be certified to teach in a school now. I would love to start in the summer, but if I can't get everything together then defintiley, I should be ready for fall quarter. I kind of can't wait to go back into the classroom. Mr. Man is hoping to make his entrance in the classroom again. He's excited about going to school for his Bachelor degree. I am too. He mentioned something that made me uneasy. He commented on how when he gets his degree he'll have something to come to the table with. I told him that I have never pressured him to do anything like that. He was eluding to the bum status in my mother's eyes. I told him that that's nothing at all to be concerned with. And it's not. When I met Mr. Man, when we first started dating I knew the things that were going to make people (my mother in particular) question our involvement. He is older, he does have a child, and he hasn't finished his education. But it's not like he told me one thing, and then when we started dating he told me another. I always knew from jump what he was and what he wasn't. And for me there was never a reason to pump the brakes because of x, y, and z. We're just trying to align our lives together, because we've figured out that we didn't like where our lives were beforehand. I'm not saying I couldn't do this thing without him -I'm just saying that I don't want to.