They Don't Know...Who We Be

"You will always be a part of me, I'm part of you indefinitely, boy don't you know you can't escape me, no way you're ever gonna shake me, you'll always be my baby" are the words I heard when I first woke up this morning courtesy of Mr. Man's ringtone. I reached underneath the pillow to answer and was pleasantly surprised at what I heard on the other line. Mr. Man called me, as he usually does in the morning so I know he arrived at work safely. He asked what I was doing and I told him I was thinking.

"Well, I called to basically say..that I just got done thanking God for you."

I sat upright and listened more intently as I fumbled for words to match such a heavy sentiment. We've been talking alot about life, and love, and our dreams lately - and how even if its all a huge failure to the rest of the world, we will have made our mark through our works, and our children.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself by not explaining where I've been the past month, and catching you all up.

I have been living this life like its golden. Snow be damned. Cold be damned. Never again will I cower inside on account of weather unless I opt to be snuggling with my honey. Life is too short for that. The true realization that my life is truly beautiful began with a few doctor's appointments I had at the beginning of the year...

In January, I brought in the new year with a UTI. Not super unfamiliar territory for me. Until the medicine that was supposed to make me better, made me worse. In hindsight, I thank God that the medicine made me sicker, because if I didn't get sick I wouldn't have gotten an awesome new doctor. My old doctor wasn't bad, but she allowed me to come in, tell her what was wrong, and keep it moving. And as an internist, what else could she really do?? After all, its HMO. (Not complaining, just explaining.) After mustering up the courage to talk about all of my symptoms and the things that were not right with me (missed periods, recurring infections, weight gain, and unusual hair growth) I was referred out to a OB/GYN on the north side of Chicago. I was scared, but hopeful.

The Lord moves in mysterious ways. The woman I was referred out to see to start working with me is the very same doctor who visited my Anatomy and Physiology class a little less than 10 years ago in high school. Also, this might sound crazy, but I have never had a Black (let alone Bi-Racial) doctor. I just felt she would be the person who would be able to finally let me know I'm not crazy paranoid about my body, but do the investigative work to figure out why an otherwise healthy 25 year old keeps getting sick?

Blood test after blood test, and culture after culture, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). It isn't an inherently fatal disease. It can be if left untreated. PCOS is related to how my body works, as far as weight management (in some ways, it looks like diabetes, without pills or shots, which makes monitoring what I eat nerve-wrecking) but it also has huge implications on my ability to bear children, and can lead to further issues such as cancer, insulin-resistant diabetes, and as I said earlier, death.

It has been a major life change for me. The first thing I did was hop on a plane to Atlanta to see one of my besties. I kind of felt like "Fuck it, I got the cash to do it, I got a vacation day to do it, so I'm gonna do it." I got tired of saying "I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it." School gets in the way of life, work gets in the way of life, and I just know that if I leave this earth tomorrow, there are things I want to do that I have not yet done. I started a Bucket List for things like that. The Bucket List (a work in progress) will most likely follow this entry. The Bucket List is merely a list of things I want to do (trivial or not) before I die. I know that sounds really morbid, but I'm tired of waiting for the perfect this or that to live life. And in a way that is what I've done. Now this doesn't mean I plan to live life unreasonably, or that I won't plan for the future, but in the meantime and in between time when I desire to do something, I will.

My family has been really helpful. It's sad to say but, tragedy does bring people together in strange ways. And it's nice to know that they care. Annoying, because I don't like having family conversations about my ovaries, lol. But still nice, since they still do care.

I don't have a lot of good friends, but the few I do have, I realize I like to keep close. I have been good with spending time with them, but I intend on getting better. These are, after all the best years of our lives. And I just wanna live it up.

Last but not least, Mr. Man. The strain that I expected from this kind of news and a long, long cycle of non-sex and doctors visits is non-existent. If anything, I believe I have managed to put more pressure on myself than he could ever do. He is strong when I am not strong, and he helps me a lot. The biggest thing I have been tasked with doing with this disorder is losing weight, which is not easy. I love to eat. I have purhcased a Wii Fit and work out 30 minutes a day. I do Flirty Girl Fitness on days I don't work out. I eat about twice as many salads and have eased up on carbs. The fear of not being able to conceive children was enough for me to eliminate all bad habits almost instantly. I am not gonna claim to have it all worked out, but my efforts have resulted in SOME weight loss already.

The long and the short of the good and the bad is the evidence that I am still here to experience it all,and to echo Mr. Man's sentiment, I thank God for that. I thank Him for seeing me through, for giving me a great foundation, and making sure I have an amazing supporting cast. And I'm gonna keep on doing what I do until it ain't nothing left to do.

Peace.