I'm Only Human

Today is the beginning of my most glorious vacation with Mr. Man. We're going back to the Lodge. It's going to be nice just basking in each other's company four 4 days uninterrupted. He has some loose ends to tie up with school, as do I, so some studying will occur. Mostly just some chilling though, which is well needed. My mom says we're like an old married couple. She needs to just understand that quality time together is the BEST. My, how 2 years, and some months have passed though..seems like only yesterday he sent me a message on FB to be his friend, lol.

Happy Anniversary to us, lol!

Speaking of FB, I get a message from Mr.Man. Now back in the day, this was the only way we communicated. But now, FB seems pretty outdated, so if I generally receive a message from him its FB related. He was warning me that I.G. aka Iggy bka his daughter's mother has recently joined the ranks of FB. Now, my cyber stalking self, had actually been monitoring that, and apparently I'm slipping on my pimping (well, not so much, I check like every 6 months or so). Not that they were friends on FB or anything, but in the two years he and I have been together, I have not met this young lady, save for the uber-awkward phone conversation I posted up last year (click the link to catch up). At any rate, I would check FB to see if she had a profile, just for curiosity's sake. I know she had been checking for me because she hacked Mr. Man's Yahoo email account, and all of our emails were there. It made me sick to my stomach that someone would stoop to such a level and by in my B.I. like that, but I got over it.

I have not met Mr. Man's daughter. The biggest reason is because, he doesn't spend enough time with her, because of the strained relationship with the mother. It seems to me that soon the court will have to inevitably intervene because left to their own devices, it doesn't look too good for the little one. But the incredible thing about her is even though I have not met her, I LOVE HER. I ask about her, we talk about her, I see pictures of her and I just love her. I dream about this little person I've never met. I just get this indescribable feeling in my heart hearing about her. The love is so pure and not tainted and I just feel that away about her because she's a child, but not just any child, Mr. Man's child.

This sidebar is significant because upon notification of Mr. Man's message, I look up IG on facebook. And there she was. And it scared me. And made me feel something else in my heart. Mostly shame. And guilt. She's cute (but not cuter than me) and familiar looking (she could easily be one of the students I service at work). But most importantly, I could see her features in their daughter. And it made me double back. I asked myself how could I so strongly dislike someone who looks like someone I love so much just based on principle?? So this sent me on an internal trip I was not prepared for in any way, shape, or form. It was overwhelming. I closed the page, and thought. I don't like I.G. I don't like how she feels its necessary to use her daughter as a bargaining chip - I don't agree with her politics. And I know that we go to the same church (different branches, but same umbrella) and I know she knows better than to behave in the manner she chooses to, but she does. So I can't pardon her as merely being ignorant. I recognize her actions as desperation to make others feel as bad as she feels. I noticed she was scowling in the picture. I didn't know if she was trying to be sexy or not. But, on a universal we are all sisters/females level - I can see that she is so lost. And for that, although on the day to day basis, I find it hard to understand and accept her actions, I pray that she finds what she's looking for. I don't like her. And I don't have to. But my God says that I can pray for her earnestly and I do. I recognize that regardless of what either me or Mr. Man thinks, she IS the day to day caretaker of his Princess,and the child is not starving or suffering from broken bones and burns. And I appreciate that, because no child deserves to suffer.

So what I.G. and I have (in my mind) is a truce of sorts. I don't have to respect her, but I acknowledge and accept her presence. In my eyes, respect is earned. My beef with her is not related to Mr. Man - it's related to womanhood, and what real women should be capable of. And the day we meet, well, that's later than sooner. :) And for that I'm happy, because I'm still learning dammit. I am far from perfect but my humility aids me in coping.

Peace.