So Sick

Today is the first day the sun has shown since Erika's pop passed away. I noticed that this morning. Sometimes, if a person passes too soon, it is said that the Lord is crying and the rain are his tears. You're on my mind girl, and I hope you're pulling through.

I was sick yesterday. I've been sick since Saturday night when I couldn't leave Mr. Man's house for anything in the world. It was so embarrassing. Everytime I stood up I felt like I would throw up or poop. I thought I had food poisioning and like a silly girl I blamed him (at least not aloud!) I told him I was hungry, and he bought me a sandwich from Subway the day before with mayo on it. I never have, and never will eat mayo because it disgusts me way down deep inside. Vomi-trocious.

I left work early and caught the bus home to pick up my cell-phone and HMO card. When I got there, my mom was already there. I called her from work to let her know I was going to the ER for the bad chest pains I was having. The crazy part about it is, I didn't desire to go to the ER on the bus. I mentioned that I would call Mr. Man to take me.

And we proceeded to argue, even though my chest was killing me. She said if I was THAT sick, I needed an ambulance. I told her to "get a grip." Stomped around the house, and left. I called Mr. Man from the bus stop. Of course fooling around with my mother I missed two buses. I was livid. I told him I was on my way to the ER and he asked if I wanted him there. Of course I do. Thank you for offering, because I felt my asking would have been babyish. His sister was kind enough to drop him off. I really do have to remember to get her some gas money, although I'm sure he does compensate her.

I got to the ER and was looking around in the waiting room for him, and suddenly there he was on my right side. I instantly felt a world of relief.

Triage checked me in, and notice my pulse and blood pressure were high. They had to order an EKG, just to be on the safe side of things. I didn't mind too much. An EKG means that they would just be checking on my heart. The guy who did my EKG was checking on more than my heart though, lol. Brotha was trying to holler. I must be some kind of sexy to solicit attention even when I'm sick, lol. It was cracking me up because, Mr. Man was right in the next room.

And then we waited. Mr. Man stayed for four hours before asking his mom to come and pick him up. I begged him to go get something to eat, because I knew if I was starving, so was he. He buckled down and agreed. He came back shortly after I was finally being seen by a doctor. It was close to 12:30AM. The medical student was so sweet and kind. She couldn't have been more older than me. It did my heart so much good to see a Black med school student doing her thang. She alluded to stress playing a big cause in my illness. I just looked at her. She also told me sternly, but kindly- to lose 10 pounds. It hurt my feelings. Not as much as considering the fact that if I don't start changing now, I may face an untimely death like my father. Laying on the hospital bed, I was having a conversation with my dad. Sorry daddy. You took good care of me when you were here. I'm unravelling all the work you put in to make sure us kids were strong, healthy. But I promise I'm going to make a change. A big change, too. A change is gonna come. It's GOTTA come. When Mr. Man came in and kissed me, she asked if he was the source of my stress. Not one bit lady. I smiled. They ran test after test, another EKG and a chest x-ray, a pregnancy test. Mr. Man and I awaited the results; I was curled up on one side of the bed, and his head lay next to mine, his body protecting me from outsiders even when he was sleeping. As usual, he was snoring. I smiled again as I joined him in sleepland briefly. The doctor came back to let us know how the results looked. She explained that I had been diagnosed with GERD. It is an illness when people have horrible acid reflux. Left untreated, I'm a prime candidate for ulcers later in life. It's better to get this taken care of sooner than later.

I have never felt more serious in my life to make this change. I really have to work on myself mentally, and phsyically. No more screwing around. I've only got one life to live, and I'm trying to live out all my days, feel me? When I die, they'll say - she lived such a full life, rather than she's gone too soon.

The revolution must begin with me.