Flashback Friday - For You I Will

Even though I loved Brandy when she played "Moesha", there was never any doubt when the beef came out between Brandy and Monica who was the better singer. It was Monica by a landslide. Monica could have been any one of my friends I went to school with who happened to be a singer. But I liked Monica because she was just hood enough, but still classy. When I was little and used to imagine falling in love - this was the song I envisioned. That all encompassing, do anything, cross the river, scale the mountain, sacrifice my last dollar type love. I believe love should be like that. Not on some Hollywood type shit, but if you can't be my everything, we are going to have problems. To me, my mom and dad embodied that love. It might not be romantic or all fairy-tale-ish. But it's real. And love has to be real.

Yep. That's my joint.

Life is so tripped out right now. I don't know where to begin. They tell me, however that the beginning is always a good place to start. Work is cuckoo bananas, to say the least. Looks like the recession has hit the college, as people are being axed every other week. What administration doesn't understand is what that does to a worker's psyche.

What has it done to my psyche? Please trust, I am putting my career center at DePaul and AIU to work. I have dusted off my resume, and this weekend I will get my career portfolio in order. (Yes, I have one, and you should too!) Alternatively, I am completing my application for grad school. This second Master's will help me get ther certificates required for me to teach in the state of Illinois. Teaching fits into my long range goal of reducing my loans as well as supplying the research necessary for my doctoral research.

Now I am fairly positive in whatever the Lord may deem as an appropriate interjecture in my journey ,but last week I was sick with the possibilities of unemployment. Absolutely sick. My family (Mr. Man included) need me to be gainfully employed. We simply can't make it any other way.

Speaking of Mr. Man, he and I are getting along marvelously. He did reiterate how on Monday how he really did want me and his daughter to meet. I indicated that of the parties involved neither of us are going anywhere anytime soon. He was happy, and so was I. Truthfully, I can't wait to meet his daughter. But, the other thing that has my antenna up is his daughter's mother. I am trying to find a good way to tell him that I truly believe she has the right to know if he brings his fiance around. She needn't agree with it, but I believe she has the right to know. That's just me. I always try to be diplomatic regardless of the situation and regardless of whether I believe she personally deserves it. (For the record, I don't believe she deserves it.) But, my diplomacy and maturity is what separates me from the majority of these allegedly "grown ass women." I'm not interested in getting into some crazy confrontation with this woman. On the other hand I am pretty convinced something like that is right up her alley. I know, just from the conversations that Mr. Man's patience is wearing thin with her. Point in case: Mr. Man is unemployed and we all know this. We also know he has been paying child support (supposedly for his daughter's tuition). So tell me why, does it make sense for his daughter's mother to say "Why can't you take your daughter for four days?" Um, maybe because I'm paying for her to go to school. She got an attitude. You can't have it both ways. If you increase the frequency that he sees her she should expect for him to want partial custody. But she wants to dump her off whenever, have him pay child support, claim her on taxes, but have the least responsibility. Come on woman, I mean for real - woman to woman. Step your game up. I don't know about their relationship so I don't critique it. I don't know what she put up with. I know she left. And I know how she is as a mom. And to me, I feel she could do better, regardless of whether a man is around or not. Just my personal thoughts. I'm not a single mom, so I can't say for sure, but as a woman, I feel she needs to step it up a notch. Not for her either, but for the baby. But no matter what, I respect her. It's not my place to shit on her. (Quite frankly, its not necessary. I know I'm the shit. And she does a pretty good job of playing herself on the daily.)

The whole misunderstanding last week with Mr. Man was never about him going to the studio. I had to let him know that. I just wanted some TLC after my period and before the Sabbath. That's all. We revisited the studio situation, because he said he wasn't going to go. I want Mr. Man in the studio. I believe in his dream. I told him on his birthday we need to get this album done come what may. So I think he might have been surprised when I brought it back up today. He muttered something about not having any money. How many times...how many times do I have to tell him I will go without if it means he doesn't have to? We talked about what it would take to have him finish the album. It was a good conversation. We decided that if he goes hard - 3 or 4 days back to back - and $100 to finish the album. That's nothing. I got you babe. He seemed so relieved, and I'm glad I could help. I love him, and we're no good if we can't help each other achieve our dreams. This isn't some pipe dream. This is his career. I want him to succeed. I would do this and much much more if necessary.

The only thing I want is one song dedicated to me. *blushes* lol.