What Have You Done For Me Lately?

This may be the rare occasion, that I post twice in one day.

I'm so thrown right now I could spit.

But that's severely unladylike.

First of all, my medication for my heartburn - has been gone for 3 weeks. I haven't felt it 'til today. Well, actually since Saturday, but it seems the worst today. I felt good in the shower..otherwise I've felt pretty darn icky. I've told myself that I will call the pharmacy and try to hustle my way into a third refill. But I don't want to do that. Be dependent on a drug to feel better.

When all I really probably need to do is SCREAM OUT LOUD!

Occasionally, my heartburn is brought on by stress. Alright, most times it is brought on by stress. But normally I could pin that stress on my mom and keep it moving. But not today.

Me & Mr. Man haven't been seeing eye to eye on our future lately. I'm aggravated that our time together is so short, and I'm not convinced it's quality time. This weekend we went to church together, and then he went home. I opted out of going to his side of town, because I have silently promised that I'm not going back to his place until he cleans up. The other thing is, there's nothing to do once I get there. He has no cable and his internet is off right now. His roommate moved out only for his uncle to seemingly move in. Again, I silently resolved that I would cut my time severely because I don't want to be there when other people are. I've always had problems with that. I can't even have sex the way I want to have sex if I know his uncle is there.

Long story short, I didn't go with him to his house.

The other thing is, I ride the bus all week. His car isn't working. The last thing I want to worry about is how I'm getting home. So yeah, my room is warm, clean, well equipped for my entertainment purposes..uh yeah I'm staying right where I am comfortable.

Plus - my black ass was tired. Do you know that negreaux had the nerve to ask me what have I done for the "movement" lately?

Wha-?

I can't even begin to think about the movement - because the movement isn't in my immediate (tomorrow) future. So no, I'm sorry. I can't think about the movement, because I'm thinking about your non-chalant attitude in registering for school. I'm worried about Iggy and this situation concerning your daughter. There's not enough money between us. You need help making rent as it is. I'm worried that I have no damn business being so worried about this stuff that doesn't directly concern me but yet you walk around stress-fucking-free.

I think, and I think, and I think about he, and I, and us so often. I'm the one continually molding my future to make sure he is included. But lately I feel like I'm the ONLY one accommodating and changing and remaining flexible. Like I'm the only one going without to make sure I can actually move next year.

And I'm tired.

And he had the nerve to talk about moving a wedding up.

Now you know on top of rolling my eyes my eyebrow stood up too straight.

Now while he's talking about moving a wedding up, I didn't hear him talk about a ceremony. And how planning for that would need to start like now. :/

I'm
not
changing
the
date.

We NEED the year.

And speaking of dates..on top of all of this bullshit I have been feeling lately, I thought, at least we could look forward to seeing The Princess and The Frog together. Say what you like about it, but I make it my business to see a Disney cartoon movie, and I always will. They make me feel good inside. And when I found out there would be a Black princess, I was so happy and anticipating this movie for two years. I haven't had a lot of extra money lately, but I had a free ticket to AMC theaters, and I was going to fix a box lunch so we could still munch on food.

But most importantly I was going to have a date with my honey. We haven't been on a date in forever and then some. We go out, but nothing like "let me come scoop you up and do the dinner and a movie thing." So I was excited.

Somehow, the Sunday I had been looking forward to turned into a day of fuckery.

I woke up and my stomach was hurting. Due to my stress and heartburn. But then it's noon. No call from Mr. Man. So I call him. He tells me that we'll go to the movie theater by my house. Cool. I thought I heard him say his mom and sister would be joining us, but that didn't register with me, until he came to pick me up. I was not ready. The last thing I knew when we spoke was that he would be at my house in a few hours. So of course he shows up, I'm not ready. And now I'm cranky.

Then we have to all squish into his uncle's cardeathtrap, lemon, jalopy, etc.

Close quarters+5 Black people = not a good setup.

His mom & sister don't really like each other. So they were arguing and rolling their eyes. I like them all about the same but because I'm really ticked that my date isn't going as planned they are all irritating the shit out of me. But I trudge along, afterall, at least we are together.

Then we get to the theater. We buy tickets - I'm beginning to get into it after inhaling the popcorn smell and seeing Princess Tiana's smiling face. And he purchases tickets for Ninja Assasins. Fucking. Ninja. Assassins.

Seriously?!

#*(&)(!?*!!)(*!@<>@*!

At this point, I'm really really mad beyond comprehension and wanted to walk out. Matter of fact, I did walk out because in the first scene someone's head is sliced clean off. I thought I would puke. My stomach was already percolating and hot from heartburn.

Anyway, I sat through this movie. The upside, was that this Korean actor also known as Rain was FINE and I engaged in naughty,naughty thoughts of those abs. I mean shorty is a 10. :)

And that wrapped my weekend. I need to find some other hobbies to get into or something because right now I feel too close to everything going on. Feeling too stressed and not enjoying much of anything. I spend my days wishing they were over just to get to the weekend, for peace, and Mr. Man. But I don't want to do that anymore. It's getting old. If he wants to get up with me he's going to have to do what everyone else does: make an effort.

He equates making an effort with spending money. And I don't. There are thousands of things we could do together that don't involve money. This concept seems abstract to him.

I don't want to make it seem like I'm with a a-hole. Because I'm not. I love him dearly. I'm just a little fed up and wanting to feel some affection outside of the physical.

That is all.

Peace...