What We Talkin' Bout?

"We on life support
Can you hear it beeping?
This love that we have
Is slowly creeping..."

It's not the greatest piece ever written, but that would have to be the first bout of poetry I've had in years. I know it's only four lines, and it may never evolve into a full blown piece. But it means something to me at 5:45AM on this wintry morning. Among firsts this morning, this is the first day I've written three days in a row in a long time.

I realized I made a big guffaw a few days ago. I applied for an advisor position at Anonymous University in Chicago. I looked at the cover letter as I was applying for the position of Registrar at another Anonymous University, when I realized that my cover letter was good. Great even. It just wasn't tailored for the specific job posting. It was in some places, but overall it wasn't. Naturally I caught it and said:

F*&%)($*!

I'm a little bothered by the fact that my career services advisor from my graduate school gave me an "A-OK" on the cover letter! Granted, she didn't see the full job description so to her, it may have looked good, even great, but I caught it.

Le sigh. Rookie mistake.

I guess that's God's way of telling me to slow it down some.

Don't get me wrong. I love my actual job. Salary is decent. It could ABSOLUTELY be more (way more) for what I'm doing, but I've always reasoned that I trade off for salary for relative flexibility and freedom (at least under my immediate supervisor) His boss is a total and complete douchebag dickhead.

Yes, he's a chocolate Milk-Dud douchebag dickhead lookin' boy. 'Member that song? "Lookin' Boy?" Idk if it was just a midwestern thang or not so I'll post it. Take that into the 2010 if you like.



But uh, the real reason I'm looking to move up or move on, is because I really DO believe I do way more that I should get paid for (which I will not get compensated for) the way our contract is written. Our contract (I'm in a union) is soon to be up for negotiations. I'm not looking forward to it, because our union leaders are way more likely to sell us out than anything. I keep saying I hope to be long gone by then.

Besides money, it's hard for me to complete school for my teaching certification taking one class at a time. :/ The longer it takes for me to graduate, the farther away I feel I am from pursuing my real dream. I don't want to make it seem like I'm not happy to be working at a time where most aren't - I am.

But I'm not happy to not be as active in pursuing my dream as I could be. For now, I must contribute my talents to completing this degree, and possibly supplementing my work with meaningful volunteer opportunities so I don't get out of practice. We shall see...

And now for a random ass rant:

Why do they call the boyfriend sweater a boyfriend sweater? My boyfriend don't wear sweaters, let alone open cardigans. My boyfriend's sweater is a university sweatshirt he can't fit so he lets me wear it. The funny thing is his school sweater doesn't fit him but it fits meeeeee, lol.

Speaking of boyfriends, I feel so- soooo lately. I know that it's not all rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along - hey wait that's a Maroon 5 song!!

But stillllll - well I never feel like I'm unloved. I won't and can't even say that. Sometimes though, I just feel like a little romance wouldn't kill me. He is romantic on occasion. In his own way. But lately I just feel like, he feels like he doesn't have to continually put work in.

Like I'm the part of his life that's just there. Like I'm a low maintenance plant. Like I'm a cactus!

Sure, you can LOVE the plant, but a cactus requires little of anything to survive in its own little happy environment. I feel like a cactus. Granted I love him something fierce, and will always go out of my way to show it. But I don't feel the same thing coming from him. I haven't been pressing him on it because it's been one thing after another (car, child support, rent- well at least one thing after another to him). We're beat, exhausted, and poor. The whole world seems to be coming down on us awfully hard sometimes, and it becomes more and more apparent that in this thang - this love thang, we all we got. I just wish things were more reciprocated. Lately it seems like even though he has a phone now when we talk the conversation tapers off before I can say much of anything because he's tired. So what am I going to tell him? "Hey fool, stay on the phone long enough so YOU can hear about MY day?" Nooo! But I am saying it wouldn't be too bad for him to delay sleep long enough for me to talk about it without feeling bad about keeping him up longer :/

Le sigh. Le love. Can't live without it...

Peace...