A Decade Under The Influence

I haven't done something like this in a really long time. I haven't done a really introspective reflection of the year because I haven't desired to look in the past.

But a few moments ago it hit me like a ton of bricks that 2009 is signaling not only the end of a year, but the end of a decade. In 2000, I was just 15 years old. A 15 year old me. *chuckles*

A pony-tail and bang wearing, *NSync/Backstreet Boys/Spice Girls playing, Pokemon watching, not so secretly pining away for some random* dweeb (*okay he wasn't so random but even now, even in my diary it is tres embarrassing to admit I loved him then) , semi-confident, law-school bound version of me. In 2000, I didn't know much about anything, but I was armed with optimism. And that optimism carried me through...

2001 - 9/11, the collapse of the twin towers, a moment that changed me, physically, spiritually, and politically.
2002 - The year of my high school graduation, and the first night I spent away from home. I was woke all night. This was also the summer of the first party I went to unsupervised. Grreaat times. I learned that I hated being away from home. I never can sleep well.
2003 - The year of the freshman 15 (I enjoyed earning each pound), my first love, first kiss, first breakup, and first job.
2004 - My first college graduation, my first disappointment (not being able to afford college) and my first miracle (someone taking a chance on me and offering a grant to attend college). This was also the first time I fell in love hard- with my best friend. This was also the first time I was in a relationship with someone I was NOT in love with. Yeah, I was slowly inching towards my own little drama.
2005 - My first heartbreak occurred in the year my father had his first stroke. Roles switched in the house. I'll never forget that day. I'll never forget how Chris was by my side on that day either. This year I prayed to God, that if he allowed me to get a job at the school, I would stay for 3 to 5 years, and lo and behold, my boss took a chance on me. I'll be entering my fifth year there in April.
2006 - I was grinding hard, and just learning to define who I was. I was in school working on my BA in Political Science full-time, working full-time. I was a one woman show.
2007- I had obtained my BA! My parents suprised me with the greatest party ever. What a lot of people don't know is in 2007 I had a dream that foretold what was to come. A black fog entered through my window. And in my dream I knew it was death. I screamed until I woke up only to find out that I was screaming in real life. Shortly thereafter, when I took my trip out of town to downstate Illinois, I was called back home. My father had fallen ill again. And it was stated that he would not make it. This transformed me. My optimism, that I entered the decade with, was at an all time low, and it was up to me to keep my family together.
2008- We moved. My family hustled on the bus, saved money, searched for apartments, and moved - without my father. Our lives still very much revolved around him, even though he was in a nursing home. After a brave, and long struggle, he faded away as greats do, despite our hopes and wishes. It was the worst of times.

However, on facebook there was a shining light. Some Black rapper kid talking about the state of Black people. He spoke of revolution. I never mustered up the courage to comment on his posts because they were THAT damn good. But he did inspire me to write my own. One day, I challenged him. And he challenged me back. We began to correspond and share our own passion and pain intertwined within the Black struggle. And love was born. It was the best of times.
2009- Another degree. Same job. Pops gone. Love hangover. Recession affected many people, and the term "staycation" entered my vocabulary.

2010- ???

In the next ten years, I can only hope to be married, with children, as well as a real public policy on urban education, specifically in elementary aged children, but given so many years I've worked at a college, I feel I'm qualified to speak to that too. Regardless of my hopes and dreams, I know that I can't get much done without strengthening my relationship with God, first and foremost. More importantly, my desire to contribute to the greater good is a noble goal. If I wrote down methods on how to reach my ultimate goals, its very well that I won't even stick to them. The only thing I can promise in 2010 is to continue to be the best me I can be.

Peace.