Tired of the Strain and Pain

She called my name.

It was about 4:15 on Friday afternoon.

Just 45 minutes.
Gotta pick up me and Mr. Man something for the Sabbath.
Call mom and ask her if she wants dinner too.
Gonna dip in and out the mall so quick - and then in my bed for 2 days.
But dammit, it hurts.

She called my name, and subconsciously, I felt the pain in my side. Sharp. I drew in my breath and semi-hollered "What?!" more so out of my pain, and less out of my sick of being called on again.

"Dezzy?!"
"Anita?! I am so so so so so sorry. That wasn't meant for you - I'm just so tired. And in pain."

I gave her the cards she needed before clutching my phone and walking to the bathroom to pee AGAIN.

Even peeing was killing me. It was my own fault. I have a bad habit of drinking tons of water and then waiting FOREVER to urinate. Not good.

I limped to the side door where folks normally pollute their lungs (as if working where we worked wasn't damage enough to the body?) and called Mr. Man. He was at school completing his registration. I smiled as I reflected on how proud of him I am sometimes.

"You sound sleep."
"I don't feel good babe."
"You can't hang for 30 more minutes?"
"I don't know, maybe I am just tired from standing up for 2 and a half hours."

Limped back to the office. Each step becoming harder and harder to take. At this point I don't care if I look fat, pregnant, or crazy. I'm sure I looked like I was all 3. I turned off my computer, got my stuff, politely told my boss I was leaving (10 minutes early) because if I didn't go to the doctor, I may not be able to report to work on Monday. He allowed it (of course).

I walked outside the doors and tried to inhale the fresh, winter air, only to find that breathing was becoming more and more difficult. This pain in my side was not letting up for nothing in the world. Limped to the bus stop as I tried to figure out who to call first and tell I was going to the doctor on a Friday night: Mr. Man who would insist on coming or my mom who would freak out and THEN insist on coming? I selected Mr. Man. I eventually informed my mother when I was halfway there. I really didn't desire either one of them to be with me for the simple fact that it would be more pressure on me to figure out what was exactly wrong. I knew that my mother doesn't drive so I really wanted to be clear in letting her know I would be okay and there was no need in her coming with. I was also clear in letting Mr. Man know that I knew he would be with his daughter this weekend and needed rest and at most I would need someone to stay with me on the phone.

Mr. Man arrived at the doctor shortly after I did, because of course he does not listen. I was pretty relieved he got there when he did because, there was a mentally unstable man in the waiting room who made me nervous. This guy was engaged in a full scale argument with himself. People who talk to themselves don't bother me, people who answer themsleves send off all kinds of crazy flags though! The man was clearly arguing with his reflection. And hurling all sorts of obscenities too! I just kept thinking to myself if he was homeless (which I assumed from his clothing and green garbage bags with his belongings strewn about) how the hell did he get such yummy looking Chinese food?!

It wasn't soon before long I was in a room waiting to be seen. I had to pee in a cup. I always have bad aim with those things. So..yeah, lol.

The nurse then asked me what veins would be good for an IV.

"Why do I need an IV?!"
"Just in case you are trying to pass a kidney stone."
"Oh. Ow. Wow. Hmm. Okay pick an arm. Good luck, they normally aren't too sucessful."

She was no different. Stuck me in my hand and arm. Found nothing.
Called another nurse. I was thankful that she got it on the first try. Mr. Man commented that he could make me an IV with a hanger (scene from Taken, lol) and I started laughing so hard the pain was re-aggravated in my side. After hooking up the IV they gave me a wonderful pain medication. Somewhere throughout all of this Mr. Man is extremely extremely extremely unlike himself. Really flirty and seductive. I was like hello..we are in the emergency room. I'm pretty sure unless you have thousands of dollars in loans from med school your hand can't be underneath my gown right now. He sat back down and tried to behave but it just was not working. I was just super tired, partly from the events of the day, and partly from the events of the WEEK. It felt good to be laying down (even if it was a hospital bed) and it was nice that Mr. Man was being super attentive and protective. I could just drift off to sleep (and a few times I did) especially when they brought over the warm blanket and Mr. Man sat in the most uncomfortable of positions and wrapped his arm around my body so anyone who entered would go through him first, lol.

After a lot of false starts, stops, "what could be wrong with her?", CT scan (which was bananas! They stuck dye in my IV that made my body feel like it was on FIRE) I finally was brought back to my room and administered strong antibiotics for a urinary tract infection. All I know is when I was at the hospital I was going to the bathroom at least once an hour.

Finally, I was discharged, and Mr. Man and I hailed a cab home. The cabbie was nice enough. And a woman too. I hardly ever see female cabbies. She even gave us her card. When I got home my brother stayed up to make sure all was well and went to bed after seeing it was. Mr. Man fixed us some of the soup my mom had left on the stove, and then put the food away. We looked at some stuff on the computer. Although it was late we weren't sleepy (since we slept in the hospital room.) Eventually we did start getting ready to sleep (at least long enough for him to sleep before going home) and we had some good conversation. Well it was good in my opinion, perhaps because my part was drug induced. We were happy to just fall asleep with each other. He expressed how much he missed me, which is rare. In his eyes, why state the obvious - to him we aren't together every night and we SHOULD be together every night so of course he misses me. I remembered pointing out that even though I know he loves me he does not hesitate to say it every night or every day. He agreed with me. And we talked about a lot of deep and meaningful stuff that felt good at the moment I can't quite remember. I just remember him positioning my body in a way I would not be in pain and stroking my hair until I fell asleep. I'm sure I was talking when I fell asleep, but what I said only he and God know now.

Yesterday was a day of resting in. Mr. Man stayed with me late, before tucking me in and going on his merry way. I'm getting pretty used to him tucking me in. Today is Sunday,and I have homework to do (reading, which I should be able to skim to get a feel of things.)

Even though I'm starting off 2010 with an infection, I really do still feel like things are relatively well. I have a concrete plan for what I'm going to do to get the ball rolling on opening my school (which obviously won't happen for a few more years) but I can still make meaningful contributions in my field prior to that day. I feel very optimistic and pleased with my clarity of plans. To me most greats have accomplished much by 25 and I feel like I need to toss something into the universe to announce that I am here and very much a force to be reckoned with.

I think I can.